Personal Development


We think, thus we all talk to ourselves. Although most of the self-talk is mental, we also talk to ourselves out loud. Through words because what we say is an expression of our thoughts given energy. Sadly, for many, self-talk is usually predominantly negative. This is very damaging, with often alternations between positive and negative self-talk. 

“Self-talk reflects your innermost feelings. Dr. Asa Don 

Have you ever been told to be positive when you are going through a rough patch? A complicated situation at work, or with your finances or health? I guess that you struggled with thinking positively. I do in such situations but being aware of it counts as some effort towards removing the negativity. It is not that we do not want to be positive. Just that our dominant focus is on the problem and probably a struggle to go back to peace and positivity. It is very difficult to be positive when going through such experiences. The natural alternative is being in a stressed or negative state.

I read about how negative we humans are generally. How dangerous negativity is. Its effects on the body and situations since they influence our reaction to events in a negative way. Negative thinking is one of the most powerful elements many of us fight daily. It works against us, making our experience worse than they currently are. One of the fastest ways’ negativity spread is through our internal thoughts.

There is too much negativity in the world. Do your best to make sure you are not contributing to it.Germany Kent

The most common way to change our internal thoughts is through meditations, visualizations, and affirmations. The three work well but are difficult to practice and observe. They also take time to manifest the intended outcome. But there is a shortcut to working on negative thoughts by observing what you are saying. It is said that when we say something out loud, it is almost ten times stronger. Words are thoughts energized. Negative talk becomes over four times more powerful compared to positive-talk. Hence over forty times more likely to happen or affect you. 

“You need to be your cheer squad, not your own worst enemy.” Miya

Being present from moment to moment is the best way to watch for the negative thoughts before we even externalize them. We might be going through a rough situation but not externalize it. Not repeating through our words how bad the situation we are in robs it of its power. You will then use most of this energy on working around the problem. Probably reduce its intensity or effects significantly.

Over the years, I’ve noticed what we fear most often has a way of showing up faster than what we want to happen. By repeating the negative words, we are predicting exactly what we do not want to happen. We forget that we have some control over what happens to us. We talk ourselves to many of our problems.

“The quality of your life is the quality of your communication.” Anthony Robbins

We observe and report a lot but often do not realize we do this. That’s why journaling is recommended as a necessity for transforming one from negativity to positivity. Journaling will help you notice the negativity in your life. And slowly, over time can help you transform to positive. By focusing on gratitude for the little things that we many times do not notice. It’ll help you be mindful of what you consume. Such as negative music, unhealthy television shows, who we talk to, and what we say.

Your self-talk is the channel of behavior change” Gino Norris

Once you notice you are predominantly negative. It is good to pause the negativity then switch to positivity. Avoid triggers that force you into negativity. Take control of the mediums that bring you negativity, such as watching too much of the wrong shows. Know that your self-talk determines so much of how your reality is. Positive thinking is not necessarily focusing on thinking positively only. But also, on what you are willing not to do, think, and say. Observe your self-talk. 

“Your success in becoming positive is determined by what you are willing to sacrifice for it.”

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95 thoughts on “Self-Talk

  1. Great post Kevin!
    I especially like “It is said that when we say something out loud, it is almost ten times stronger. Words are thoughts energized.”
    Sometimes it’s so hard to pull out of a negative thought spiral.

  2. The quality of your life is the quality of your communication.” Anthony Robbins — that’s deep! I’ve been going through a rough season and what you outlined here is true
    Self talk contributes a lot to our overall well being

    1. Yes, It’s deep if well analysed. Feel comforted for the tough times you’ve been through. I hope that the storm has passed now. Glad you agree on power of self talk. Be well🌻

  3. Thank you for this posting! While I was studying coaching, we were talking a lot about negative self talk. I am master of practicing it, unfortunately, and it works around guilt and shame. But it is so important to be aware of this type of self talk and personally I try to turn it more positive – which is extremely difficult. I think it has something to do with our cultural backgrounds. For example, where I come from the positive feedback is kind of limited, at least it was some decades ago when I grew up. Hide the happiness, don’t tell anyone if you are lucky or you will lose it. If you dare to say or think that you are good at something you are proud. Don’t you dare to dream big, who do you think you are… Be humble… When I was even considering blogging, my first thoughts were “who do you think you are, why would anyone care about your thoughts?” But I intentionally shushed that voice, thanks to the awareness of negative self talk. I don’t think this negatively of others.
    And I come from the happiest country in the world 😀 Oh the irony…. Now my child has been mostly raised in the States and at the beginning of our journey here, I paid a lot of attention on how much positive feed back kids get – sometimes even too much, I think. I wonder how that will change their way to talk to themselves – even though there are obviously many other factors in this culture too, which can have an impact on that both of the ways.

    1. I think almost everyone these days has elements of self talk and one only notices when they self examine. Thanks for sharing your experience with negative self talk. Well said, i think we acquire it through society and cultures as you said plus the ever changing way of life which is filled with endless desires for comfort leading to comparing and regrets of the past somehow contributing to the negativity.

  4. Ha! I love the quote at the top! This is SUCH an important topic, I’m so glad you addressed it here. Literally less than a half-hour before I found your post, I was just talking to my son about this subject. I was explaining to him that the way he talks to himself about his sleep schedule/the importance of sleep is absolutely critical for everything else he is doing. I am glad for this “backup” 😀

    1. I’m glad the topic was good backup 🙂. Self talk is really important in development, I hope your son comes around to heeding your guidance and embrace it. Thank you.

  5. Great write-up, Kevin. It is really important to process our feelings especially the negative ones, in between those moments can lead up to a better understanding on ourself, to take the negative and turn it around.

  6. So many golden nuggets in your post.😃

    First the awareness of negative self talk, then the want and desire to stop this and then we dig in for the real work to create change!

    Great suggestions for learning to dissolve patterns of negative thinking because it undoubtedly helps to lighten our heart❣️

    1. Thank you Teri. I’m very glad you like it and for your appreciation. Understanding self talk can work for us instead of against us when used negatively. 🌻

  7. Powerful and so true. I love the quotes you included and it is true that we are often our worst enemies. Many don’t know how to stop the inner dialogue and the chatter is often used to comfort our fears. It’s calming as if we are predicting what is going to happen next. After all we want to stay in control and don’t like unprepared surprises.
    It takes years and many experiences to realize that this behavior holds us a prisoner. It also takes courage to be vulnerable, go with the flow and just allow life to happen. It’s a choice we sooner or later will have to make it we want to stay true to our authentic self.
    Great post, thank you for sharing.
    Great post.

    1. Thank you. I’m glad you love it. Yes, we prefers the comforts and security of today always afraid of the unexpected forgeting we create best from the unexoected. Negative seftalk but a coping mechanism- i like how you phrased that. True, it’s a slow process of realization but a necessary one. Welcome.

      1. Awe so sweet and I gladly return these words right back to you for we are all beautiful in our own way, a million times, uniquely, rare and one of a kind. 🙏🏼🦋❤️

      2. I read your intro to your biographic *&* I got caught up in your 1-of-a-kind interesting ups *&* downs *&* in-and-outs of survive *&* conquer experiences *&* observations of some of the things *&* values you took away from your past to make your present positive as you look forward to a bright future!

      3. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that was a good thing to get caught up in.
        It is true and I’ve been born on the day of ups and downs. Much has happened in my life and why I call this blog a warriors story. It always comes down to personal preference and a choice deciding whether we go down the victims path or enter into victory lane.
        Perhaps I need to revisit this page and streamline it a bit. Shorten it. Have a wonderful day and thank you again. 🙏🏼

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