A few weeks ago I decided to make a major change in my life. I’m tired of being told no, and I’m tired of being told that I can’t be me by my nearest and dearest. That was the day I took a stand against my oppressor: the 128GB iPhone XR I’ve owned since late 2018 has been maxed out for years thanks to an endless and relentless collection of male celebrity screenshots.
Finally, the person who pushed my poor phone aside was the internet’s newest white guy of the week, Logan Lerman. Past contenders for the title include Dylan O’Brien, Noah Centineo, and basically any male between the ages of 19 and 32 who can be found on the landing page of your favorite streaming service. Lerman is different. He’s an anomaly in a collective sea of milquetoast men with patchy facial hair.
He is currently starring in Amazon’s second season Hunters, playing a Nazi hunter (hot!). I hear he’s fantastic at it and good for him. This is another reason why he is an internet darling. Something about her — especially her — earns a spot on the camera roll.
I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, talented and precocious entertainment critic, how many photos could you possibly have on your phone?” How’s 33,626 for you? And I guarantee that by the time it takes me to finish clicking my fingers on this keyboard, that number will hit the next hundred when your eyeballs land on these words.
And I don’t mean it the way you think. Get your mind out of the void! I’m being completely honest when I say that I’ll often save pictures of beautiful celebrities because I enjoy scrolling through them on the train when I’m off duty. Or, like an old magazine, I’ll skim through them on rainy days and send them to my friends so we all read them. Tiger Beat in sleep I have a copy of Timothée Chalamet’s English Vogue Cover it on my coffee table for the past two months because it’s been giving me high school level butterflies Americans to see her curls looking at me.
Some people collect geodesy or go bird watching. I love beautiful things too! What’s stopping me from enjoying nature’s bounty from the comfort of my backlit phone screen? I came to terms with my unshakable obsession with famous men. All my boyfriends stay on my phone, and my real life (not a figment of my imagination) joked with me for five years every time I complained about wanting to delete 10 identical photos of Colin Farrell. save a picture of my literal family.
But now and again these discoveries must be shared with the public. And when a video Logan Lerman’s dance to Kelis’ “Milkshake” popped up on my Instagram feed, so it was worth noting. It was great to stay on camera. But first it had to be brought to the camera roll. With that, I saved my friends’ photos to the cloud and grabbed the 512GB iPhone 13 Pro that I’d been putting off installing for days. Like Ben Franklin and his little electric volts or Gwyneth Paltrow and her vaginal candles, this discovery was too good to keep to myself.
The video may only be eight seconds long, but that’s enough to establish Lerman as the most prolific internet crush of our time. Something about a guy with floppy hair wearing a t-shirt, sweatpants and socks in full casual regalia while dancing to Kelis just feels critical. That’s not to mention Jon & Vinny’s bag sitting on the table behind them. I’ve never been to Los Angeles’ favorite casual Italian eatery, but there’s a primal, charming quality about wanting to patronize a place that sells banana bread with hot, salty butter for $6.25.
Others seemed to reflect my own thoughts. Multiple nation appeared in my notifications with various versions, “He’s so cute” as a reply. Others appreciated that Lerman didn’t care about posting a silly video of himself dancing. As one person concisely “He was waiting for Dylan O’Brien’s crown to slip.”
Besides, there is a difference between Lerman and O’Brien. O’Brien, an MTV hit alum Teen WolfHe’s had even bigger success in the past few years, starring as the love interest in Taylor Swift’s short film All Too Well and as a secondary character in last summer’s Hulu dark comedy. It’s not ok. For this film, O’Brien whitewashed his voice to capture the sleazy, disgusting charms of a TikTok huckster, sending a ripple through the internet’s collective libido. Yes, I’m sorry for how obnoxious that sentence sounds. But I was there and I saw cities turned into ruins in seconds.
Logan Lerman is different. He no everywhere, making it an ideal candidate for cultural encounters. Lerman has the mystique of a bona fide movie star combined with the charm of a world reserved for Chalamets and the good looks of an architect in a supermarket romance novel. This is a man who, back in 2012, Tumblr convinced us that the hottest thing you can be is someone who dares to wear a peacoat.
Lerman is a rare, actually enigmatic famous white guy. He doesn’t go to the paparazzi in skin-sucking sweatshirts or go to a photo shoot in leather pants. He is never shirtless. (You can’t swing an 8-foot iPhone charger without snapping a half-naked picture of Noah Centineo. It doesn’t even find its way into our phones. When Lerman starred in the movie. Percy Jackson franchise in 2010, he was smart. He played the iconic role of the YA series The perks of being a wallflowerand the rest was history, preserved as gifs on the internet like fossils in amber.
Here’s the rare actor who doesn’t want the attention and stardom so blatantly that it’s exhausting for the rest of us to witness. His roles are rare; Lerman acts whenever he wants and posts occasionally on social media. So when she blessed us all with a video of her dancing to promote her second season Huntersit felt like a gift.
It was a testament to his immense charisma and self-awareness. The fact that this man took two steps into the Milkshake was definitely a sign that it was okay to be a little thirsty. Who are we! It’s good for Logan Lerman and all of us who cycle from month to month to dance our hearts out. And, our camera rolls.