Being a working parent is hard work. Try not to lose yourself in the process of balancing work and home priorities, multitasking, getting the kids to school on time, and taking care of a newborn. This is very little! Thankfully, moms and dads keep their sanity by supporting, helping, and sharing responsibilities equally. Well, usually. Because a post shared on the AITA subreddit proves that’s not always the case.
A 35-year-old woman turned to the internet for advice after an infuriating incident involving her husband neglecting their children over a video game. As she explains in detail in the story, her husband began to spend more time on the game and forget to take care of himself and the household.
As the man told her it wouldn’t be a problem, she trusted him enough to leave things up to him while he was at work. When she got home, she immediately regretted seeing her 6-month-old daughter wearing a full diaper for 9 hours while she was “busy playing.” Scroll down to read how the situation escalated below, and be sure to let us know what you think about it in the comments. Then don’t miss our conversation with relationship coach Sam Owen about the importance of dividing responsibilities equally.
After her husband started spending time playing video games, this woman believed him when he said it wouldn’t be a problem.
Image credit: Tima Miroshnichenko (not actual image)
Until the day she comes home to a crying 6-month-old and finds out her husband “forgot” to take care of her because he was “busy” playing
Photo credit: Karolina Grabowska (not actual photo)
Image credit: u/57675997
Parenting can come with countless joys, but it also creates its fair share of challenges. As working parents face additional challenges in balancing work and home life, sharing the burden equitably is critical for the well-being of their children, their partners, and themselves. But that’s easier said than done. In many families where both partners work full-time, mothers take on more of the day-to-day responsibilities of running the household.
Since women are still expected to do the bulk of childcare and housework, how important is it for couples to share responsibilities fairly? And how can they find the right balance? We turned to a specialist.
Global relationship coach Sam Owen, who makes it his mission to help people achieve their wellness goals, explained that both partners need to appreciate themselves and know that their partner is there for a happy relationship to exist.
“It can mean different things to different individuals and couples,” says the popular author Happy relationships: 7 simple rules for creating harmony and growth he said Bored Panda. “Aim for a balance that seems fair to both of you. Even if these assignments don’t technically seem equal to a viewer, they may seem like the right split for you because of your strengths and preferences. Ultimately, regardless of what society thinks, you have to figure out the rules of a relationship that work for the two of you.”
It’s even more complicated for mothers who feel disproportionately responsible for caring for the home and children: they “experience less relationship satisfaction and their well-being is more strained.”
When partners don’t pull their weight or don’t value the other half’s time as much as their own, it usually leads to arguments. “Over time, this can lead to resentment and, ultimately, divorce or divorce (especially when the wife feels unbalanced, as one study found).”
The relationship coach explained that it’s not just about what a partner does (or doesn’t do), but why they choose to behave the way they do. “Such selfish behavior, as in this scenario, shows a complete lack of interest in the child and the family unit and must be addressed.”
“It’s possible that she’s intentionally breaking up the relationship in hopes of ending it, or rather, hoping that he’ll eventually end it,” Owen added. “This could be an early warning sign of an impending reconciliation/divorce.”
A husband neglecting his children because of a video game and then blaming his wife for not reminding him what to do requires more discussion.
According to Owen, caring partners never forget to do something important for their loved one. “So if your partner has a habit of not doing something with some excuse, and worse, blaming you for it, their behavior is telling you that they don’t care enough about you to have a happy, healthy relationship. .”
“It can be easy to make excuses for your loved ones before you realize what’s going on, so don’t beat yourself up about it. But when you know, deal with the problem, or if left unchecked, it will worsen the relationship,” advised the coach.
For people who are often told it’s their fault or asked to take the blame for something they didn’t do wrong, Coach Owen suggested reaching out to someone. “Because chances are, whether you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or a narcissistic abuser, you’re in a toxic relationship.”
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation with your partner, Owen recommends following relationship rules that work for both of you. But if they continue to respect them, “you need to figure out what’s really bothering your relationship.”
“Repeat offenders generally don’t have memory issues, they either have another issue to deal with with you if they want to save the relationship, or they may not admit it if they have commitment issues and want the relationship to end. If they are manipulative or abusive. If their answers are unexpected or just don’t make sense, intuitively work out the truth for yourself based on their repeated behavior rather than their words,” concludes Owen.