A woman who questions whether it’s “reasonable” to ask for a lock on her bedroom door is getting support online.
Sharing your frustrations with Mumsnet Am I unreasonable? On Jan. 8, user Aeroflot21 explained on the forum that his sister and her roommate were stealing his clothes and invading his room while he was out.
However, her landlord won’t allow tenants to put locks on their doors because that would change the terms of the lease.
“I live in a house with some friends and my sister and my sister keeps coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there,” she said.
“When he sees her wearing it, he will either lie and say that I am not wearing it, or he will insult me, or he will apologize and say that he will not do it again.”
Recently, the situation became tense when the couple celebrated their friend’s birthday. Her sister showed up wearing one of Aeroflot21’s dresses and that was the final straw.
“He denied it and said it was something he had recently bought, but I knew it was mine,” she said.
“Later I tried to look for clothes in my room and she wasn’t there, so I knew the clothes she was wearing were actually mine.”
The sister’s transgressive behavior goes beyond the dress, her sister “using [Aeroflot21’s] room when it suits her.” The poster is going on vacation in a few weeks and expects her sister to treat her room as a “free hotel” while she is away.
Aeroflot21 asked colleagues if a lock on the bedroom door was too much to ask. While most agreed that this was a rational request, they also believed that the real problem was the poster’s sister.
When Sibling Rivalry Continues Into Adulthood
According to Chase Cassine, a behavioral health specialist at DePaul Community Health Centers in Louisiana, the dynamics of adult-sibling relationships are established in childhood and are often influenced by parental nurturing.
“Whether this feeling is real or perceived, it has been shown to be indicative of sibling rivalry and rivalry,” he said. Newsweek.
However, expectations and labels, even if well-intentioned, can pit siblings against each other and lead to toxic comparisons, especially if one sibling is considered the “golden child.”
“Parents play an important role in developing healthy sibling relationships,” Cassine said.
“[They need to] teach and model healthy ways to express their emotions and constructive ways to resolve conflict, because these key life lessons will help them in other relationships.”
But what if you’re an adult and stuck with a toxic sibling? It may be time to change things up.
“The first thing to do is acknowledge your feelings, because it’s years and decades of built-up hurt and anger,” Cassine said.
“Use ‘I’ messages to communicate your feelings and needs without pointing the finger, [and] focus on your tone, timing and delivery.”
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via firstname.lastname@example.org. We can ask experts for advice and your story can be featured Newsweek.
‘She’s staying away from him because she’s your sister’
Aeroflot21 shared that his sister sneaked into his room while he was away. In addition to taking her clothes and lying, her sister also treats Aeroflot21’s room as a “free hotel” because her own room is too messy to live in.
“I find this very difficult to deal with because I see it as a huge invasion of my personal space and privacy,” she wrote.
“I really try to pay attention to my room and stuff and he doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that he just doesn’t care.”
The sisters are in their late 20s, and the “at the end of the garden” poster captures her sister’s behavior.
Some users have suggested talking to the host to see if they can help resolve the situation.
“Tell your landlady that your sister is breaking into your room and taking things without your permission,” advises AllAJillSandwich.
“She avoids him because she’s your sister, she wouldn’t if she was a stranger.”
Mathanxiety agreed, writing: “Strange that your room can’t be locked, so I’ll talk to your landlady.”
Others believed that hiring a housewife was a bad idea.
“Assuming your higher education isn’t actually your mother, LL will likely see your relationship as part of the problem here and possibly want you both gone,” NumberTheory said.
“It would make you and your sister look like kids arguing and if I were your host, I really wouldn’t be a **** with 2 adults who couldn’t work something like this out between themselves,” Dicker wrote.
Many users believed that the problem was with the sister and that it was time to stop living together.
“Living with a sister like that is like being stuck in your teenage years,” Luredbyapomegranate said.
“Maybe it’s time for each of you to be more independent from each other,” wrote Iknowthis1. “Your relationship can be better that way.”
“Your sister has no boundaries as far as you’re concerned,” 2 Rebecca said.
“It’s weird living in the same house if you don’t have a good relationship, and if he steals your stuff and lies about it, it’s not a good relationship.”
Homedeco said: “If I lived with anyone who stole from me, I’d go find my own place! I’d cut them off. I’d call the police if I had to.
“She may be your sister, but that doesn’t mean you have to live with her and accept her behavior.”
Aeroflot21 is not the first to ask for online help with a difficult sister. A man who still harbors a grudge against his older brother who married his teenage girlfriend has been told to “go to therapy”, while a woman was recently praised for telling her “golden child” sister that she wouldn’t have achieved anything without her parents’ help.
Newsweek could not clarify the details of the case.